翻译大师的博客

讲述翻 译大师学习翻译的心路历程

« 从高职高专毕业到2012年9月1日化长句为短句 »

认为该 译文与原文相差较大

  蜗居在 巷陌的寻常幸福

  Simple Happiness of Dwelling in the Back Streets


  隐逸的 生活似乎在传统意识中一直被认为是幸福的至高境界。但这种 孤傲遁世同时也是孤独的,纯粹的隐者实属少数,而少数者的满足不能用来解读普世的幸福模样。


  A secluded life has traditionally been deemed, as it seems, the supreme state of happiness, although such aloofness and retirement breed loneliness as well. Few people in fact end up as genuine recluses, whose contentment does not suffice to construe what happiness is for all.


  有道是小隐隐于野,大隐隐于市。真正的幸福并不隐逸,可以在 街市而不是丛林中去寻找。


  As a common saying goes, while the “lesser hermit” lives in seclusion in the country, the “greater hermit” does so in the city. Not necessarily in solitude does reside true happiness which can be found in busy streets rather than in the woods.


  晨光,透过古 色古香的雕花窗棂,给庭院 里精致的盆景慢慢地化上一抹金黄的淡妆。那煎鸡蛋的“刺啦”声袅袅升起,空气中 开始充斥着稚嫩的童音、汽车启动的节奏、夫妻间甜蜜的道别,还有邻 居们简单朴素的问好。巷陌中的这一切,忙碌却不混乱,活泼却不嘈杂,平淡却不厌烦。


  Here in the city lanes the early morning sunshine filters through the carved old-style latticed windows on the walls and faintly gilds the exquisite potted plants in courtyards. As eggs sizzle in frying pans, the morning begins to fill with rising sounds: the soft voices of children, the chugging rhythm of car engines, the sweet exchange of goodbyes between husbands and wives, as well as the brief greetings among neighbors. Such back streets are busy but not chaotic, lively but not clamorous, plain but not wearisome.


  巷尾的 绿地虽然没有山野的苍翠欲滴,但是空 气中弥漫着荒野中所没有的生机。微黄的路灯下,每一张 长椅都写着不同的心情,甜蜜与快乐、悲伤与喜悦,交织在一起,在静谧中缓缓发酵。谁也不 会知道在下一个转角中会是怎样的惊喜,会是一 家风格独特食客不断的小吃店?是一家 放着爵士乐的酒吧?还是一 家摆着高脚木凳、连空气 都闲散的小小咖啡馆?坐在户 外撑着遮阳伞的木椅上,和新认 识的朋友一边喝茶,一边谈 着自己小小的生活,或许也是一种惬意。


  Although the green patches at the end of the back streets are not so lushly verdant as those on the mountains, the urban air is permeated with a vitality lacking in the wilderness. Under pale yellow street lamps, each bench embodies diversified feelings―sweetness and happiness, joys and sorrows―all interwoven to slowly ferment in tranquility. No one knows what kind of pleasant surprise may be in store for him around the corner: a uniquely styled and busy cafe? Or a bar emitting jazz music? Or a coffee shop with tall stools and a relaxed atmosphere? Perhaps it is also satisfying just to sit outdoors on a wooden chair under a sunshade, chatting over a cup of tea about daily trifles with new friends.


  一切,被时间打磨,被时间沉淀,终于形成了一种习惯,一种默契,一种文化。


  All these elements, tempered and deposited by time, settled finally into a custom, a tacit understanding and a culture.


  和来家 中做客的邻居朋友用同一种腔调巧妙地笑谑着身边的琐事,大家眯 起的眼睛都默契地闪着同一种狡黠;和家人 一起围在饭桌前,衔满食 物的嘴还发着含糊的声音,有些聒噪,但没人厌烦。


  When neighbors and friends come, they share witty jokes about personal trivialities, implicitly understanding each other's eye movements of like astuteness. Family members sit around the dining table, chattering through mouthfuls of food, and no one is bothered by the noise.


  小巷虽然狭窄,却拉不 住快乐蔓延的速度……


  Those lanes, narrow as they may be, cannot hold back the pervading happiness...


  随着城 市里那些密集而冰冷的高楼大厦拔地而起,在拥堵的车流中,在污浊的空气里,人们的 幸福正在一点点地破碎,飘零。大家住得越来越宽敞,越来越私密。自我,也被划 进一个单独的空间里,小心地 不去触碰别人的心灵,也不容 许他人轻易介入。可是,一个人 安静下来时会觉得,曾经厌 烦的那些嘈杂回想起来很温情很怀念。


  But as dense, cold high-rises shoot up in the city, woefully accompanied by traffic congestion and air pollution, people’s happiness is little by little being eroded and lost. With more dwelling space and privacy, one has his “self” encircled in a solitary world, careful not to infringe on the souls of others, while also seeking not to be infringed upon. However, when one quiets down, the once tiresome hubbub now may evoke warm feelings and nostalgia.


  比起高 楼耸立的曼哈顿,人们更 加喜欢佛罗伦萨红色穹顶下被阳光淹没的古老巷道;比起在 夜晚光辉璀璨的陆家嘴,人们会 更喜欢充满孩子们打闹嬉笑的万航渡路。就算已苍然老去,支撑起 梦境的应该是老房子暗灰的安详,吴侬软语的叫卖声,那一方 氤氲过温馨和回忆的小弄堂。


  To Manhattan with soaring skyscrapers, people prefer Florence with sun-bathed ancient alleys by the towering red dome (1); to Lujiazui with dazzling night lights, people prefer Wanhangdu Road with narrow lanes full of rollicking children. Even as one grows old, it is likely that his dreams would be embellished by the serenity of the grey old houses, the calls of vendors in a soft-toned local dialect, and the small lanes filled with soothing memories.


  如果用 一双细腻的眼眸去观照,其实每 一片青苔和爬山虎占据的墙角,都是墨绿色的诗篇,不会飘逸,不会豪放,只是那种平淡的幸福,简简单单。


  If observed with a perceptive eye, every inch of the walls and corners adorned with moss and ivy becomes a verdurous poem, which, neither elegant nor powerful, represents plain and simple happiness.


  幸福是什么模样,或许并不难回答。幸福就 是一本摊开的诗篇,关于在城市的天空下,那些寻常巷陌的诗。


  Perhaps it is not so difficult to define happiness after all. Happiness is an unfurled scroll of poems, describing ordinary alleys under the city skies.


  夜幕笼罩,那散落 一地的万家灯火中,有多少 寻常的幸福正蜗居在巷陌……


  No one knows how much simple happiness is seeping through those back streets lit up by the scattered lamps as the night falls...


  注释


  (1) 即佛罗伦萨的Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore (圣母百花大教堂)。据说该 教堂是世界排名第三的大教堂,坐落在 佛罗伦萨的中心地带.是佛罗 伦萨最为著名的地标之一。圣母百 花大教堂最为著名的是教堂圆顶.八角圆顶为红色,顶高31米,最大直径为43米,建成时 是当时最大的圆顶,圆顶的 正中为尖顶塔亭。


  第二十 二届韩素音青年翻译奖竟赛汉译英参赛译文评析


  本届大 赛共收到汉英翻译的参赛译文613份,是韩素 音青年翻译奖竞赛汉译英奖项单独设立以来参赛译文最多的一次。汉英翻 译参赛译文大致是英汉翻译参赛译文的二分之一,与往届 参赛译文数量比例一致。


  在评审 参赛译文时我们看到,大多数 参赛者极其认真,仔细研究竞赛原文,考证其中的信息内涵,在翻译 时对原文的风格、遣词造 句的特点都予以考虑和再现,有些参 赛者还就原文中可能影响理解的信息――注释,这些都 是一个合格译者必须具备的认真态度和高度负责精神。从参赛译文质量来看,有些译 文对原文信息再现得较为准确、细腻、周到,令评阅者感到欣喜,有些参 赛译文整体不错,但个别 地方有些美中不足,有些参 赛译文字字对应,不敢越雷池一步,有些参 赛译文无拘无束、犹如天马行空一般。下面就 从五个方面来对本次汉英翻译中的问题进行分析。


  1-标题的翻译


  本届"韩素音青年翻译奖"汉译英竞赛原文,选自《新民晚报》2009年11月19日B14版刊登的一篇散文,作者是 上海市西中学高二学生卢嘉西。原文的笔触优雅清淡,立意新颖,犹如一 幅随意浸染的写意画,旨在唤 起人们在物质财富日趋丰富、人际关 系渐趋淡漠的现代社会对简单却又充满人情味的岁月的美好回忆。美国戏剧家、散文家罗纳德'邓肯(Ronald Duncan)曾经说过:"It would seem that happiness is something to do with simplicity, and that it is the ability to extract pleasure from the simplest things."(转弓I自$|、致4L, 2003 :154)作者也 正是从人们再熟悉不过的一些街头小景、居家常景中去感'捂寻常 百姓的寻常幸福。竞赛原文的标题为"蜗居在 巷陌的寻常幸福",语言简练,音意皆美,寥寥数 字就点出了文章的主旨。


  "蜗居"原为名词,其意为"蜗舍",喻意居室狭小,出自明章懋《与刘知府惟馨书》:"况今老病龙钟,杜门待尽,则陋巷蜗居,乃其素分。"另据百度百科解释,"蜗居"的释义有三条®:①比喻窄小的住所。常用作谦词。②伏处;潜居。③因每月还房贷,经济能力受限,从而生 活行为受限的一种生活形态。从613篇参赛 译文中我们看到了参赛者对标题的不同翻译方法(见例1)。


  例1 :蜗居在 巷陌的寻常幸福


  翻译方法 标题翻译实例


  逐字对译


  (1) The Ordinary Happiness of Living like Snail in a Small and


  Humble Alley Abode


  (2) The usual happiness snail-like living in an alley


  (3) The Ordinary Happiness of a Shell Dwelling in the Alley


  拟人拟物


  (4) Ordinary Happiness Dwelling in the Narrow Lanes


  (5) Ordinary Happiness Nestling in Streets and Alleys


  (6) Plain happiness lurking in alleys


  (7) The Ordinary Happiness Cramped in the Alleyways


  (8) Homely Happiness that Resides in Cramped Abodes in Lanes


  (9) Plain Happiness Snails in Small Alleys


  引申


  (10) Ordinary Happiness of Dwelling Humbly at Alley Abodes


  (11) The Common Happiness of Dwelling in Alleys


  (12) Happiness enjoyed by the common people dwelling in a nutshell


  重心调整


  (13) Alleys, the Humble Nestle of Ordinary Happiness


  (14) A City Alleyway Snuggling Amongst Happy Homes


  结构重组


  (15) Simple Happiness of an Alley Life


  (16) The Ordinary Happiness of Lane Dwellers


  (17) Dwelling in the Alleys, a Plain Happiness


  (18) The Homely Happiness of Being an Alley Hermit


  (19) Ordinary Mortals' Contentment


  (20) Limited Alley Dwelling, Unlimited Happy Living


  (21) Flowers of Common Happiness Blossom among the Lanes


  说明:作者为 了说明相关问题对表格中的实例进行了有针2t'hi的归类,这些分 类相互交叉或不够严密,并非非此即彼。其中有 些译文使用了多种方法,但是为了清晰简洁,作者并 未将其分别归类。


  有些参 赛者对照原文逐字对译(见例1中的句1-3),将"蜗居"与snail联系起来,保留了原文"蜗"的意象,但是这 种过分拘泥于原文的译法可能会导致意义的损失,让读者理解感到困惑。有些参 赛者将原文理解为拟人或拟物手法(句4>9),并在译 文中进行了再现,这样的 处理有违作者的原意,况且句6中的lurking和句7、句8中的cramped,会有损 于译文的意义和给读者的感受。重心调 整的译文形式新颖,体现了 参赛者的灵活思维,但是此 处所列举的两例(句13和句14)在意义 上与原文有出人。结构重 组法是参赛者使用较多的一种方法,有些结构简洁灵活,反映了 参赛者对原文较为深入的理解以及对原文结构的大胆超脱,其中有 可资借鉴的实例(句15和句16),也有因 调整带来偏差的译文(句19)。这里还 要特别提一下句21。该译文 可以说音形意皆美的"佳作",译者的思维非常活跃,完全摆 脱了原文结构的束缚,然而经 过评审组激烈的讨论,还是未予认可,认为该 译文与原文相差较大,巳经不是翻译,而是译 者本人的创作了,因此不能称为"佳译"。引申法 是本次大赛中参赛者使用最为广泛的一种手法,也符合原作者的本意。纵观原文,作者所言的"寻常幸福"其实是 从简单朴实的生活中获得的快乐和满足,贯穿语 篇的是生活在小巷的人们在寻常生活中的幸福感受。基于上文的分析,我们认为,"寻常幸福"译为simple happiness更为贝占切些,Backstreet (或back street) 的意思是 "a small quiet street that is away from the main part of a town"(参见Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, Pearson Education Limited, 2005),更切合原文的"巷陌"之意。因此参考译文为"Simple Happiness of Dwelling in the Back Streets"。


  2.逻辑的贯通与梗滞


  理解原 文包括理解原文的字词、字词的 明示和隐含意义、句子之间的逻辑关联、遣词造 句的特点及其与意义之间的相关性以及上述诸多因素所形成的原文风格,,参考译 文保留了该方言最本质的特征"软",将其泛化处理为a soft-toned local dialect0


  在此,我们也想顺便提一下,不少参 赛译文中出现了一些本不应出现的错误,如原文理解错误、词汇用法错误、时态错误、缺乏衔接、主谓语不一致、人称不一致、标点符号错误(如把英语省略号写成"…一")等。限于篇幅,本文不再――列举。


  我们衷 心希望这些由于疏忽或者疏于查阅造成的错误能够引起翻译爱好者的注意。


  ――本文选 自徐华飞的博客,又遇见了一位好老师。

  • 相关文章:

发表评论

网站分类

文章归档

Tags

Powered By
Copyright 杭州翻译公司 杭州翻译. Some Rights Reserved.

友情链接:    粤11选五走势图   网赚彩票代理   网购彩票正规平台   k8彩票代理专员   鑫彩彩票网址